Brave

Dearest Clara,

I've thought a great deal about what I want to teach you. I may not be classified as old and wise yet, but I feel that I do have some wisdom to impart to you. Of course I want to teach you to be a woman of faith, a lover, a giver and a caring friend. But, I also want to teach you to have some qualities I've never been the best at embodying.

One of those qualities would be gracefulness. Your mama is admittedly a klutz. At any given time I am covered in bruises and scrapes. It's not shameful to be a klutz, but I don't want you falling and hurting yourself all the time. I'd love for you to try ballet. Maybe you'll learn to love it and become a little ballerina. After all, your name is Clara, which is the lead character in The Nutcracker; it would only be fitting. And if you were a ballerina you may learn to flit around with an airiness and grace that I have never possessed. But, if you're a klutz like me I won't hold it against you; I know you get it honestly!

Another quality would be athleticism. Mama loves a nice long walk, yoga and even a little bit of cardio but I am not athlete. Klutziness gets in the way of any athletic prowess I may have possessed. I have always had a fear of being annihilated by a ball or puck or anything sharp or hard. Your daddy however, is very strong and athletic. He likes running, lifting, and of course his paintball. Maybe you'll inherit his skills.

But most of all my dear sweet, innocent daughter, I want you to be brave. I want you to hold on to your fearlessness for as long as possible. I want you to hold your sense of wonder and let nothing hold you back from trying new, exciting adventures. Do not be timid, do not be shy. Be brave. Embrace the unknown, embrace everything that is new and unfamiliar. It's an old corny adage but no one ever looks back on life and says they're grateful for sitting on the sidelines.

Of course there's benefits to being a spectator. As a curious baby you take everything in at all times. You are observing, watching, learning. Continue to learn, but don't be stagnant. Take action. Try something new everyday. Don't ever let fear get in your way. Fear is for the weak, and you, my dear daughter are strong. 

I've let fear get in my way too many times. I've missed out on too many opportunities because of fear of the unknown and fear of failing. Here's one truth that you need to know. Trying and failing is okay. Never trying is not okay. How will you ever learn? How will you ever discover your greatness? I never tried  a variety of activities or adventures because the fear I'd be "bad" at it or I'd "obviously" fail. But I will never know, because I never tried. 

I will tell you the times that I which I was brave are the times I am the most proud of. At 15 I had major back surgery. 8 hours of surgery, had to have a chest tube, and now have a titanium rod and six screws in my spine. As a scrawny, scrappy little 15 year old it was terrifying. I couldn't even talk about it leading up to the surgery because I was so terrified. There was so much unknown, something could go wrong, I could be paralyzed, never walk again. But I had no choice but to be brave. And I was. I made it through, with flying colors. I learned I was so much stronger than I thought. So much braver than I could have ever imagined. And I was proud of myself in a way that I didn't even know was possible. I had overcome a fear, and I made it out on the other side. That feeling is unbeatable. I want you to have that feeling, and often. I want you to be proud of yourself. I know I'll be proud of you, I already am.

Another example of my braveness came from you. I gave birth to you without a single drug in my body. I didn't even have an IV! I labored for hours, pushed for almost 3 (Yikes!). There were times I was so exhausted I fell asleep on my hospital bed. But I dug deep. I kept thinking of you. I wanted you to be born in the most natural, beautiful way. The way that you were intended to come into this world. I knew it would help us with recovery, with breastfeeding, with bonding. So I labored on (literally) and I spoke to you. Asked you to be strong for me. Help me to be brave--and for you to safely make your way into this world. And when your daddy helped to deliver you (because he's a paramedic, he can do that!) and I held you and stared at your perfect little pout for the first time I was beyond happy. I was elated. I was brave. Daddy brags about this all the time. He tells me all the time how strong I was. To tell you the truth I had never felt more weak and vulnerable. But I was strong and steadfast. And I had the most wonderful gift for my bravery.

There has been several times where I haven't been brave. Where I've held my tongue as someone degrades my self worth, where I have chickened out from any exciting adventure (whether it be a roller coaster, a zip line, or a trip), where I've let the fear of the unknown paralyze my sense of adventure. Don't do this. You will be scared at times. You will be uncertain. But don't walk away. Be brave. Let yourself be open to the unknown. Let it take a hold of you, change you, shape you into something strong and mighty. You may be small right now but you are certainly mighty. You are amazing, and don't you ever forget it. It will be my duty to remind you of it everyday.

After all, you're the daughter of a firefighter, one of the bravest professions out there. You have bravery in you already, you just have to unleash it. You are already feisty and determined. I hope you never lose that. Even if it makes my life more difficult. I don't want you sitting on the sidelines. I want you in the game. And I'll be there cheering you on every step of the way.

Love, 
Mom

6 months! Happy 1/2 Birthday Clara Jane :)

Clara Jane,

I can't believe this is even possible, but you are 6 months old today! Holy half a year. Time has flown by. In those first few weeks of being up all night I thought we would never get here, but alas, it's your half birthday :) I am a lover of birthdays so I think today is a reason to celebrate. Though every day of being alive and well is a reason to thank God and celebrate.

Ok, let's talk about what's new with you this month sweet thing!

Eating: You started solid foods! woo-hoo :) Mama's milk is still your fave and breastfeeding is still going great but we've introduced you to some new things here lately. Starting in your 5th month we gave you teeny little bits of avocado and sweet potato, but about two weeks ago we jumped in and started with solids. Your first puree was peaches which you seemed to dig. Next puree was sweet potato which you did ok with. So far you have had peaches, pears, sweet potatoes, bananas and avocado. You haven't disliked any of them but I would say that peaches are your favorite! I've primarily been making my own foods but you did try some of those organic pouches. 

Sleeping: Your sleep is unpredictable. I am happy that I'm not working right now because I would be a zombie. You have nights that you sleep great (like two nights ago!) and nights that it takes us hours to get you to go down (like last night when we had to take a drive around the neighborhood at 11pm!) and nights when you wake up what seems like a million times because you roll onto your tummy and then get mad when you wake up that way! But, we've made huge progress with sleep. You are now sleeping unswaddled, in your crib all night! No more swing or swaddle for our big girl. I am optimistic that your sleep is slowly getting better. You started napping a little more regularly (as I blogged about the other day!) and now that you can roll into different positions it seems that you may have started to learn to self-soothe a little. I just am trying to be patient. That can be really hard in the middle of the night when you've been up about 10 times though! Everyone says I will miss these days soon enough though.

Developments: This month has been full of developments! I am amazed by you. You can now sit up unassisted for long periods of time, you can roll from back to belly (and do so often!), you can get up on all fours (this is new and you can only hold it a few seconds but still!) and when we hold your arms or legs you can stand for long periods of time. You are making tons of new noises, you squeal, giggle, laugh and just have fun all the time now. I think that all these new developments may be part of the reason your sleep has been out of whack. But I am so, so proud of you and all your milestones. You seem to be right on target. I think you're going to be a smart, chatty, happy little girl.

All in all this has been another amazing month of being your mama. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us. I love you to the moon and back!

Nap time!

Miss Clara is currently in the middle of a nap. A nap! In her crib. In the middle of the afternoon. This never happens. She has been sleeping poorly (due to rolling over on her belly and getting stuck) but I guess I'll take the small changes. I am one happy mama right now.

Currently

Listening to: Nothing at the moment. But Clara loves Darius Rucker's song Wagon Wheel so we listen to that quite a bit. I also love Carrie Underwood's I Will See You Again...makes me think about my grandpa, who Clara reminds me so much of. She has his facial expressions and his ornery spicy ways. Love it. Also just heard the winner of The Voice Danielle Bradbery's new song Heart of Dixie which I'm really digging. Clara is going to be a country music fan like her mama, because that's most of what we listen to! 

Creating: Well nothing has come to fruition as of yet,but I am feeling very creative these days. As an English major it has always been my goal to write. I always thought it would be a novel but recently I have a children's book idea in mind. I blame having an almost 6 month old for the switch! ha. Also, I really want to get into crafting! I am admittedly not the most patient person and not the most neat, so crafts can be hard for me. But I am creative and imaginative which helps. I want to get a second hand sewing machine and learn how to sew. I would love to make Clara headbands and other cute things :)

Reading: I have read a bunch of samples on my Kindle recently. I really want to read Eleanor and Park. My aunt has it and says she'll let me borrow it when she's done. I started reading it but held off buying it because I can get if for free! Also, wanting to read the latest Jennifer Echols novel. I really do love me so young adult fiction. 

I also got a library card recently so I got a bunch of baby related books. We're going to jump into solids with Clara soon so I thought I'd get some books about baby food. Thinking of making some recipes tonight!

Amazed by: How big my baby girl is. Not just in size, (she is quite the chunker, and can already wear some 18 months clothes in certain brands!) but in her abilities. She "talks" all the time now, can sit up like a pro, rolls more often (though she still isn't so impressed with the whole rolling thing, think she'd rather get up and walk if she could), is making strides towards crawling, doing her "mini push up" all the time, and is trying little bits of new food. She's amazing. I just feel like it's going so fast. I swear she was just born and now she's almost a half a year old. Really realizing how much I need to soak it all in.

Big girl smiles in the jumperoo! 

4th of July photo blast

Outfit #1 on July 3rd

Another shot

Outfit #2 July 4th 

Love her rolls!

Outfit #3 courtesy of Aunt Annie!

And a lil photo app fun! Tried to make fireworks--but they kinda look like they're coming outta Rusty's booty! Haha 

The yummy (and beautiful!) dessert we made 

Auntie Melissa and Auntie Sharece came to visit! 

And the whole fam! 

5 months

Sweet Girl,

Where is time going?? 5 months!! That doesn't even seem possible. But alas, it is! Here's what you're up to this month!!

Eating: Still mama's milk, but we're thinking of introducing solids soon. You've recently started sitting up unassisted for longer periods of time and you are SO interested in food and mimic chewing. We've given you very small pieces of avocado, sweet potato, and apple but you weren't quite sure. We won't start on a regular basis until closer to 5.5 months more than likely (definitely by 6 months) but it's cool to experiment a little. I plan on making my own baby food, or possibly trying Baby Led Weaning, so that will be an exciting process! For now mama's milk is doing you good. You have rolls galore! I am sure you're pushing 20 lbs. by now!

Sleeping: With the exception of a few bad nights you have been sleeping in your crib consistently! You typically come into our room to be fed anywhere between 4-7 am. Sometimes you go right back to sleep and sometimes you want to party! We try to put you back in your swing--but when mom and dad are really tired you go in your swing. But you have almost outgrown it! You are getting SO big. You're still swaddled at night (just your hands, not your feet!)--we want to wean from this ASAP but I am not looking forward to it. You like to flail and wake yourself up! Though today you did take a nap on mom and dad's bed without your swaddle! woo-hoo! It was a short nap, but it counts. Baby steps (no pun intended). We're thinking that this week we will start naps with an arm out of the swaddle and go from there!

New Developments: You are developing SO much. You seem to make new noises every day. You coo, babble, shriek, scream, and almost growl! **Maybe you get that growling thing from your love of Rusty Dog** Speaking of Rusty, you are obsessed with our adorable weenie dog! You watch him like a hawk and try to grab at him. Sometimes you get him--poor puppy has been hurt/scared a bit when you tug a little too hard. But I have high hopes you two will be best buddies :) You're continuing to sit up in highchairs like a big girl at restaurants. You LOVE being able to sit up. We practice your sitting everyday and you're doing better and better. Also, you do an awesome baby mini-push up. I swear you look like you could take off crawling any day now. However since you rolled once you're not a big fan of rolling again (though you get really close!) --oh well! You also seem to laugh and smile more and more everyday. Your laugh and smile melt my heart. I am still amazed you are mine. I don't know how I got so lucky to be blessed with a beautiful baby girl but I do my best to thank God every day for you. I hope I can be the amazing mom you deserve.

Love you to the moon and back and I'd give you the moon and more baby girl.
Love, 
Mama

Currently

Listening : To Clara's baby monitor. She went to sleep fairly easily tonight and I am hoping she stays asleep! But if I had to choose what I want to listen to it would be Everything has Changed by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran. I listened to Red non-stop while pregnant with Clara and even though it's a love song, it talks about your whole world being different by meeting one person, which is how I feel about my beautiful Clara. The last lines especially:
All I know is the new found grace
All my days I know your face
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

Reading: The Moon and More by Sarah Dessen. Love, love, love her books. I gave up on Safe Haven. Saw the movie instead. Not super impressed. I think I am over Nicholas Sparks. Is it bad I have an English degree and I read bad chick lit? I try to like classics but they're not really my thing. I do love contemporary fiction but haven't had the energy for a complex book recently--I blame it on my nearly 5 month old ;-) 

Longing for: Some place warm and tropical. My best friend got married on Saturday and she's honeymooning in Jamaica right now. Made me remember my amazing honeymoon in Rivera Maya. Best trip ever. I so miss the beach--even though I went last year for my husband's cousin's wedding it was a short trip and I feel like I haven't been on a real beach vacation in forever. Ohio living is no fun sometimes! However we are planning to visit Pete's cousin (the before-mentioned one who got married last year!) in DC before she moves to Germany! I think we may have to sneak in a trip to the shore while we're there. Not the same as the Carolinas but it will do for now.

Loving: My husband, my dachshund, and of course my adorable baby girl, Clara Jane. She rolled for the first time today! I was SO proud of her. I've been having some stressful days here recently because she was going through some very cranky spells--however today was a really good day and she was just all smiles. I can't believe how fast she's growing. She makes new sounds everyday, smiles, laughs and just completely melts my heart. It's days like today I realize how incredibly blessed I really am to be a mom.